Take a look at what some of these factors can be and what you can do to avoid them:

1. Comfort factor: First of all, be with someone you are comfortable with. And not with a guy who everyone thinks you look good with. Or who your friends feel you should go out with because they think you will make a good pair. In case of an arranged marriage, you would need to make the effort to bring in the comfort factor. This would have to start outside the bedroom of course, as you get to know each other. This may take months, but is definitely worth it for a lifetime.

2. Communication is the key: Don't blame men. You need to communicate. Just because someone loves you, he cannot necessarily read your mind. So expecting your spouse/ boyfriend to read your mind or know what you want is not fair.

3. Take your time: Agreed that the point above is not possible if you don't know what you want or what gives you pleasure. So don't hesitate to give yourself a little time to figure each other out in bed and explore a bit.

4. Social conditioning:

'Men have to take the initiative for sex' or 'women have to oblige whether they like it or not' or 'women have to be coy in bed' or 'sex is only for procreation and otherwise is sin'; these should be "unlearned". All the things you heard about and learned through wrong sources, including porn, needs to be trashed. Read books recommended by sexologists if you need the right information. Find out what works for you as a couple.

5. Try it out: If your guy wants to try out something new that you are not too sure you are okay with, you could give it a shot and then be firm about it the next time round. For instance, if you're not comfortable with the idea of oral sex because of the hygiene factor, you could make sure the two of you have a nice long shower before you try it out. But if you're still not up to it in spite of your efforts, you know you to need to stop instead of pushing yourself or giving into pressure.

6. Fear not: Don't be afraid to say "No". If you think you will lose the guy, remember in that case the guy is not worth it.

7. It's about you too: Remember this is about you too. It is not just about the guy's pleasure and you are not paying for being looked after or given a family. It is not a price to be paid and definitely not a sacrifice you are supposed to make.

8. Foreplay: Women need to open up emotionally as well. So foreplay is not just about sex. It could mean going for a long walk or drive, having dinner together, watching a movie, chatting about nothing at all or doing just about anything that the two of you enjoy together.

9. All that pain: If penetration is too painful, something is wrong. Consulting a sexologist can be done a bit later because first - it's your partner who needs to know. Besides, pain doesn't necessarily come from penetration only. Even the way you are held could sometimes be painful. And you could be put off even before you've got started. So maybe if the two of you did things a bit differently, you may not have to consult a sexologist after all. 

10. After play: There is a tendency to turn around and fall into a slumber after sex. But it it is certainly better if you and your partner can stay a while together, hold hands as you lie or gently hold each other as you sleep.

Keeping the above things in mind and gradually working towards not only helps you from warding sex off as evil, but also makes it a beautiful and pleasurable experience.