You are trying to eat healthy and lose weight. One day, you start craving, and suggest to your husband "Let's eat out". If he responds with "No need, you are on a diet. You better eat whatever is there at home," you are likely to get angry and sulk or shout at him. If he says "Ok, I don't mind, but remember that you are trying to lose weight, so think carefully before giving in to temptation", then you are likely to respond with, "Yes, you are right, let's avoid it".

Also Read: Programming Your Behaviour

Here, in both the cases, the end result is the same, but if you feel that you have decided, there is less anger. If you husband has decided, the anger is more. Many husbands know this through sheer experience, and tend to be non-committal, when answering.

One must understand that anger is finally a result of your failures-failure in actions, in decisions, in planning, in time management, in resolve, and in attitudes.

Also Read: Angry Women at Work Punished

What to Do about Anger?

Anger has its uses, and if channelled properly, anger can be used to win many battles in life.

Planning and time management are often ways to be in control, and hence to reduce anger. It's often a lack of good planning, and a perpetual shortage of time that makes us short tempered. If you are hungry and lack sleep, you are likely to be on a short fuse, and so a regular diet and sleep regime is a must.

It also helps for you to realize that circumstances which can provoke you to go ballistic will always be there, whether at work, on the journey to and from office, or at home. Circumstances cannot often be changed, but attitudes toward them can be.

There is one more fact of life that you should know. In your heart, you are a control freak. It's only the degree that varies. You always want the other person to do what you think is right, without giving him the necessary freedom. If someone does as you want, you are happy; but if he of she does not, you are angry. It is very important to realize that human beings can be controlled only to a particular extent.

Even a two year old child will listen to his mother for some time, but the moment her back is turned, he or she will resort to mischief. Knowing that others can be manipulated to a particular extent and no more, is helpful.

Anger and frustration often arises when, being a control freak, you cannot control someone or something. If you let go, and give others enough freedom to do what they want, within reasonable limits, it will surely reduce stress and tensions, and bring down anger levels. And when others are given freedom, they too respond reasonably, with kindness, and not with irritating or an adamant behaviour.

Author: Dr. P. V. Vaidyanathan

The author is a paediatrician