Unable to balance children and work pressures, she quit working at 35. Today, at 38, Anita doubts if she was ever cut out to be a stay-at-home Mom.
She believes children are her responsibility, yet she yearns to get back to a full time job.
According to Medha Lovekar, Family Counsellor, such situations occur when the decision of motherhood is not based on thorough consideration and planning.
Added responsibilities could depress a mother, who doesn't want to compromise on her lifestyle, financial freedom or hard-earned career.
Does she need to miss out on things she desires, just because every woman "should" have kids by a certain age?
Does Marriage Entail Motherhood?
In Indian society, marriage and motherhood are considered a package deal. If you are a married female, the next logical destination for you is considered to be motherhood.
We may be so conditioned of this thought, that many of us don't even question their fate as a mother after they are married. It is important to be aware and question your desires, since well-being of your child and your family depends on this decision.
Talk and Discuss
Lovekar points out a few questions a prospective mother should think about.
- Do you want to be a mother at all? What function does mothering fulfil in your life? If yes, why, what will you miss out on if you do not go mothering.
- If you wish to be a mother, what are you going to miss out on? This question is very relevant if you are doing very well in your career and see yourself up the corporate ladder.
According to Medha, it is necessary to answer these questions truthfully. "Don't go by the assumption in Indian society that once you are married sooner or later you must have children. Neither you nor the child benefit from a forced motherhood," she says.
"If you are not sure you want to be a mother right now, accept it and talk to your spouse. Remember, mothering, post marriage is not an individual decision, it is a family decision."
If your spouse wants to have children then it is unfair on him to impose your decision just as it is true the other way round.
In case your mutual discussions do not reach a conclusion you can always discuss with a senior family member or see a family counsellor.
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