Whose Good?

You may feel that your children will not be able to survive in this world if they don't do exceptionally well for themselves.

Telling your child things like, "It would be great if you did well, but it is alright if you don't" also puts indirect pressure on her.

Teenagers usually bear the brunt of indirect threatening.

"You will be disowned," "People will laugh at us," and "How can we call you our son!"... are all common statements that teens hear if their performance doesn't match their parents' expectations.

"If you get an A+ in your report card, we will get you an MP3 player" or "If you get through IIT, we will buy you a spanking new car." The reward system where conditional rewards are given out to get kids to perform better may seem logical. But this too puts indirect pressure on a child.

You are probably expecting her to come tops in whatever she does because you were a performer yourself. If your child doesn't do well, don't be embarrassed to admit that she is your child. Try and help her out instead.

What Happened to My Child?

You may be left wondering "What went wrong?" when your child does everything but what he has been told.

Parental pressure takes a toll on kids and its effects are both short-term and long-term.

Rebellious behaviour turns into anti-social activities like smoking and drinking.

Parental pressure could also lead to chronic depression, which could carry on to adulthood. She will have a low self-esteem and might continue to live with the inferiority complex.

Putting pressure on your child can also lead to performance anxieties. This can manifest itself in his marital life too where he is unable to perform well because of the fear of being unaccepted.

At Least You Should do Well

You probably don't want your child to miss out on the things you could not achieve for yourself. If you live in a nuclear family, your concentration can be entirely directed towards your child.

However pressure tends to mount when in-laws are on the scene. If you don't have the decision-making capacity at home, you may take this out by putting pressure on your children. This might give you a sense of control.

Parental pressure can hamper the emotional growth of your child. She will lose out on her childhood because of excess studies and other extra-curricular activities.

Don't make things conditional. He can always start performing exceptionally well after the age of 17 or 18. The key is to have patience and faith in him.

Develop your own interests apart from pursuing what you think is best for her. Find satisfaction from other sources rather than trying to feel special in your child's achievements.

Be there for her when she is going through a crisis.

(With inputs from: Dr. Nirmala Rao, Psychiatrist)