When Do They Begin?

The age at which each child masturbates varies. "Children usually start masturbating once their secondary sexual characteristics start taking form," says Consulting Psychotherapist, Meenu Bhonsle.

Your boy could start masturbating at 11 or any time after that. Girls can get their period as early as nine or as late as 15. That is when they usually feel the urge to touch their private parts.

"A child may start masturbating earlier out of curiosity or if he has a history of molestation," says Meenu. Your child may have been introduced to self-pleasure by someone older to him. He could be emulating somebody too.

How Should I React?

Yes, it might be difficult for you to accept. Masturbation is natural. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

"Your child has come of age. You need to realise that he is no more your little boy," states Bhonsle.

If you walk in on your child masturbating, just close the door and walk away. Don't yell, shout or appear shocked. If there is eye contact between the both of you, don't look traumatised. Don't make him conscious.

If you react with shock and anger, your child might associate trauma and stress with sexual activities. "Once he grows up, he might feel anxious during any sexual activity as he was caught once before. This will lead to premature ejaculation," says Meenu.

This could create problems in his sexual relationships.

The "Talk"

You might avoid contact with her because of your embarrassment. But ignoring that something ever happened won't help either.

Talk it out. A good time to do so is when you are in the car, on the way to school. Either you or your partner could have the talk… depending on who your child is more comfortable with.

Don't say, "I saw you touching yourself." This will make her feel like she has done something wrong.

Instead apologise for walking into her room without knocking. Tell her that as she is growing and it is okay to be curious about her body. Tell her that if she has questions, she should feel free to ask you.

Remember to;

• Make it clear that masturbation is natural.
• Tell him not to be ashamed of his genitals. But emphasise that they are 'private' parts and he should NOT let anyone else touch them.
• Ask him to maintain privacy whenever he masturbates. For example… "When you want to masturbate, lock the door or go to the bathroom."
• Emphasise the importance of personal hygiene. Tell him that after he climaxes he should wash himself.
• Share your values about sexual activities, so he knows where to draw the line. This is also a good time for the sex education talk.
• Tell him that it is fine to touch himself but not okay to do it with anyone else.

When you are talking to your child, be careful of your body language. Don't appear tense and rigid.
Else, you might be saying that "It is okay to masturbate" but your body language will be conveying a different message.

When is It a Problem?

Masturbation becomes a problem only if it gets in the way of other activities. This might be a sign that he is using masturbation as a coping mechanism.

It is alright as long as he is not excessively dependant on it.