Why Do They Fight?

Your kids may fight for different reasons. But kids fight most when they feel inadequate about themselves. For instance, your older child might suddenly feel insecure with the arrival of a new baby. He might look at her as a competitor.

Your kid's needs keep changing with age. As a toddler, he might be protective of his toys and might not want to share them with his sibling. School going kids often want to be given the same attention as siblings. Teens however, might resent looking after younger siblings and want their own space.

At times, your little ones may be fighting to get your attention.

What Can I Do?

As much as possible, encourage your kids to resolve the problem by themselves. Intervene only if the situation gets out of hand. Even then, don't favour one child over the other. It will only aggravate your kid's insecurities.

Talk it out together. Ask them why they were fighting. Sometimes one child may have started the fight. Reprimand the instigator of the fight. But make her understand why she is being punished. So she won't repeat it or feel like you are taking sides.

Your elder kid probably learnt to eat food quicker than his little sister. This doesn't mean you force your little girl to do the same. Don't make comparisons. This might make her resent her sibling. Instead, appreciate her little achievements.

Just as you get angry, it is natural for your kids to do the same. Don't try to suppress them as it is not healthy. Sit with her and tell her "I know you are angry with Rahul but you cannot hit him." Teach her what is acceptable and what is not.

Also, you are their role model. If you resolve fights with your partner in a calm and respectful manner, your kids will do the same.

How Can I Help?

Here's what you can do to stop your kids driving each other and yourself crazy.

Inculcate trust and family values in your kid. Tell her that her brother is not going to pull her down. Sometimes kids feel that if they succeed, their siblings will be jealous. Let her know that if she succeeds her younger sibling will only be proud of her.

Encourage them to enjoy each other's company. You could give them games they can play together. This will make them feel like friends, without taking away their individuality.

Tell your kids what is acceptable and what is not. For instance, it is not okay to solve a problem by throwing things around the house or calling each other names. Reprimand them if they don't follow the rules you have set down. That way, they will be more responsible for their actions.

Teach them to solve problems in a polite manner. If the fight is over a toy, tell him that it is alright to share his stuff once in while.

In case your younger one isn't giving the other space, help her understand that her brother needs time alone. May be you could make that her special time too… when she can do something she loves without him. This way, she too will feel a sense of independence.

Also, help your older child understand that his sister looks at him as a role model and just wants to be as cool as him. This will make him more open to her.

Finally, give them time to do their own thing. Don't force them on each other. It is okay if she wants to sit in her room and play with her dolls. It is also fine for him to go chill with his friends without a tagalong sibling.