Are you inadvertently abusing your child?

Verbal and emotional abuse, where parents and caretakers hurl abuses at the child, often shouting at the child for long periods of time, is often not done with any purpose. Often it is because you are irritated and high strung due to work pressures, family or financial issues, and looking for an outlet.

Invariably the child comes along and does something childish (as he or she is supposed to do, nothing wrong in that), and this acts as a trigger for you to let loose on the child.

Often the amount of abuse is not co-related with the childish behavior that she displays, and is out of proportion to his misdeeds. The child is invariably the wrong person in the wrong place.

Here are some common instances of child abuse that I have come across. · 

• A child turning deaf after being beaten on the ear.
• Children being thrashed or burnt by parents to discipline them.
• Small babies (less than a year old) being spanked for crying.
• Children locked up in bathrooms, as punishments.
• Children being verbally assaulted every day, being shouted at, being abused and humiliated, and made to feel worthless.
• Children being brought with swelling on the face, with impressions of the fingers on their cheeks.

Stay alert for this type not only at home (by say another member of the family), but also at the child's school or day care.

What effect does abuse have on a child?

Though this depends on the personality of the child, and his or her support systems, most children who are abused at home or elsewhere often become depressed and introverted, or turn aggressive. Their education and personal relationships suffer to a large extent. They often brood, and prefer to stay indoors. They are fearful of strangers and inept in many social situations. Many contemplate running away from home or suicide.

Others start manifesting disease like symptoms such as stomach pains, headaches, shivering, palpitations, breathlessness etc. Many refuse to go to school, if the abuse is school related. It is very rare for a child to come up to his parent and openly tell them about his bad experiences.

It is your duty to talk to his child and make her aware of abuse, so that the child feels comfortable and confident in reporting anything unusual to you.

Encourage your children to come up to either your or their father parent if they feel that someone has touched them or fondled them, or has thrashed them.

Though I have read about a lot of cases of sexual abuse, thankfully, I haven't encountered any amongst my patients. It may be happening, but it doesn't easily come to attention, and is not reported. To be aware is the first step in our fight against child abuse. Act now, if you know of someone getting abused, before it is too late.

Author: Dr. P.V. Vaidyanathan, (MD, MCH), Paediatrician and Child Specialist, Mumbai