Decide, Then Talk

Parents need to tell their children about divorce, only when they have reached a decision about it. If you are still considering the possibility of staying in a relationship, it makes sense to not make your child go through the stress of divorce at this stage.

If your child, asks you at that stage, you can say that you as a couple are trying to work things out. At times, it's alright to say that you don't know about how things would ultimately end up. But tell your child, that you would inform him/her as soon as the decision is reached.

Do It with Your Spouse

Ideally parents should talk to the child together, according to Dr. Paul Coleman, author of 'How to say it to your kids'. This is the time, when spouses need to become parents rather than two people who are not happy with the relationship.

Telling the child together helps him/her maintain a sense of trust in the parents and he/she will get to hear just one common story. If your children ask questions, answer them.

You can tell your child that the father and you have tried working on the marriage and nothing seems to have worked out. That's why you have decided to divorce. Reassure the child that in spite of divorce, mom and dad would continue to love him/her.

No Mudslinging

According to Marcel Proust, it's seldom that one parts on good terms, which is natural, because if one were on good terms, one would not part.

The relationship does go sour between the couple, and there are negative emotions that each partner has for the other. However for a child, a father or a mother, even if divorced, is looked up to as a role-model.

Therefore sorting differences within their relationship, rather than showing it to the child is advisable. Don't use your children to belittle your spouse.

Follow-up

After you have spoken your child, check with him/her soon after to find out how he/she's feeling. If there's anything the child wants to talk about or ask, encourage that.

Remember that even children grieve the end of your relationship. There reaction can be anything from anger, frustration, and sadness to withdrawal.

Be calm, give the child time to deal and accept the reality of his parents separating.