Tug-Of-One-Upmanship

Relationship Counsellor Dr. Tushar Guha says, "Family rivalry and one upmanship stems from sibling rivalry. When siblings are young, there is minor competitiveness among them. Once they grow up, it resurfaces at family get togethers."

The competitiveness takes a new meaning at family gatherings, because most of your extended family will be present. Your siblings and cousins believe that this is the perfect place to showcase how well they are doing in life.

According to Dr. Guha, no matter what the situation, rivalry will always be there. This is because everyone is status conscious and materialistic at some level.

Friendly rivalry and competitiveness is fine. But when the rivalry and competitiveness get nasty and are used deliberately to put someone down, the situation can get ugly.

Family fighting? Whose side are you on?

• Money Talks

It does, quite literally. All your cousins including you may be quite well off, but the level of your wealth and riches may vary. It is common pccurance when relatives compare their status.

Your sister-in-law tries to boast about how expensive her sarees and jewellery are. She may also talk about how exclusive they are and how they were ordered especially for the event. If you are wearing a set or an ensemble that does not meet the "levels", relatives look down on you.

Dr. Tushar Guha states an instance of financial rivalry among two brothers:

There are two brothers. One is wealthy and lives in Cuffe Parade, Mumbai; while the other was middle class and lives in suburban Ghatkopar, Mumbai.

The elder brother always entertained his guests with the best food and wine. He ordered all his seven-course meals from the local 5-star hotels. The older brother's wife also made it a point to boast about how much they spent for their parties.

The younger brother's wife wanted to match up to that level as well. They also entertained their guests at home and catered from The Taj hotel.

The result: He not only overshot his budget, but the expense threw his monthly budget haywire.

This resulted in not just financial woes but family woes as well. He blamed his wife and held her responsible for his financial situation.

Dr. Guha advises: If your siblings or cousins choose to boast about their wealth, let them do that. It is difficult to ignore taunts and boasts, but you have to act like it does not affect you at all.

Remember, the person taunting, enjoys boasting to a person who gets affected the most. Tell them you are happy for them. Try and sound interested in how well they are doing, but do not get over-awed.

And if they try and put you down and insult your economic status in any way, you can always try and add some humour. This will lighten the atmosphere and get the message across that their taunts do not bother you anymore.

Having money problems? Money and Friendships tells all.