"I do not like my wife spending on luxury goods..."

Shalini and Tapan Joshi are married for three years now. Tapan started  his own business six months back and is the sole earning member in his family. He decides how to spend and there are times when he and Shalini argue about money.

Shalini loves to buy expensive products, which Tapan does not approve of. "I want the best for her but we cannot afford it every time. We need to save, especially if there is a wedding or a festival round the corner. It becomes difficult to explain this to her," he says.

According to him, spending money on designer wear or a fancy pair of shoes is just unnecessary. He would rather invest in something valuable, like gold. Adds Shalini, "Whenever we argue, Tapan explains why we cannot spend a particular amount. We have small talks on money matters; I guess they help to understand the situation better."

Discuss, discuss and discuss...

Clinical psychologist Varkha Chulani says, "Before getting married, it is important that couples talk about money as they would about other matters. This can help them clear doubts and they know what to expect once they get married. However, that does not mean the end to all problems but talking about it helps."

"He spends like there is no tomorrow..."

When it comes to the Bhattacharya couple Vishakha and Tushar, there is a role reversal of sorts. Vishakha does not approve of Tushar's extravagant purchases and is the 'man' of the house who takes a call on the spending element.

Married for five years now, Tushar is a freelance photographer  while Vishakha is a journalist. Having moved  from Delhi to Mumbai in January this year, he lives for today while she thinks about the future.

"The moment Tushar sets his eyes on something he likes; he wants to buy it at that moment," says Vishakha. She continues, "Recently, he called me in the middle of a meeting and insisted we buy a laptop. Though I refused, he insisted we take a loan. I am completely against loans as they can prove expensive - you might end up paying more than necessary."

Once is fine

Occasional indulgence is fine. But if it happens frequently, it can upset your better half. Blaming or shouting at each other may make matters worse. Instead, consult with each other before making an extravagant purchase, more so if only one of you plan to use it.

"His relatives and friends used to borrow money regularly..."

Geeta and Jiten Parekh have celebrated their silver wedding anniversary. Since Jiten lives and works in Abu Dhabi, Geeta takes care of the household finances.

Geeta's practical approach to life often clashes with Jiten's sensitive and helpful nature. "His friends and relatives borrow money from him and there have been times when they have not returned it," she complains.

Learn to Say NO

Lending money to relatives or friends is fine but if it happens frequently enough; it could be a major cause for argument between couples. Geeta had to actually sit down and talk with her husband about the repeated instances when people failed to return the money.

Today, though it still is a bit difficult for Jiten to put his foot down and say 'no', Geeta has to become the devil and refuse.

The 'Approach' Matters

"Couples often believe that discussions do not work. Discussion is important but it depends on how you approach it. Always make it a point to ask first, 'Are you in the mood to talk?', 'Can we discuss now?' You do not want to confront a tired and work-weary partner; for that is when all hell breaks loose," explains clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany.

So, the next time the 'money monster' raises its ugly head, discuss, don't shout it out!