It's futile to keep a scorecard for your partner's faults if you really want to be happily married because the goal of a marriage is to be "for each other" not "at each other".

Anushka and Samar, a pair of newlyweds fought everyday and with each fight Samar retreated deeper into his shell. He just clammed up and refused to talk.

The reason: Anushka had the habit of dredging up the past during their fights. What would start out as a mild difference of opinion would spiral into a verbal battle when Anushka would start losing sight of the current issue of contention and dwell on what Samar did a few days ago.

Anushka would rage on, blind to the fact that she was isolating Samar completely. The first few months of marriage are when a couple should be ideally cementing their relationship-not alienating each other.

Those who do not forgive minor faux pas will remain mired in a regressive relationship awash with mistrust, resentment and hurt. Forgiving minor contraventions means making allowances for those simple, everyday human errors that we all happen to make every now and then. Keep in mind that his errors may be different from yours-but at the end of the day, they're just that, errors.

Dr. Chhabria says: If you constantly bring up the past, it means that the hurt of the fight is still there. Look back and find out what bothered you then and address it. Whenever you're arguing with your spouse, think about what you're trying to achieve.

Agree that even if you've had the worst fight, you'll still hug each other and go to sleep at night so that you can move on peacefully the next day. If you're not able to do that, speak to an unbiased third party-preferably a counsellor or someone who knows you really well and will be frank with you.

Excerpts from: Five Steps to Romantic Love: A Workbook for Readers of Love Busters and His Needs, Her Needs. By Willard J. Harley Jr.

(The author is a freelance writer)