If your lack of trust is due to a past episode, you need to understand that every person and relationship is different. Just because you were hurt once does not mean it will happen again. Sometimes, you will know why the previous relationship went wrong or why the other person cheated on you. However, clarity and closure are not always possible. There could be times when you did nothing wrong and did not deserve to be cheated on or your trust broken. It was NOT your fault that you were cheated on. But it happened.

What if your partner breaks your trust once and asks for forgiveness? Will you? Can you? The answer will vary from person to person, relationship to relationship. No matter what the case, you have to remember that perhaps 100 per cent trust between couples is NOT possible. It does NOT mean that two people should have secrets from each other; however, it does mean that two people don’t necessarily have to share everything.

You have to decide what is more important in your relationship and how much you are willing to oversee. There are little follies and there are big mistakes. If you find your partner checking out someone really hot at a party, is that breaking your trust? Or is that a natural reaction of any human being? And no, just because you don’t check out other people is no reason for your partner not to.

If you constantly hound your partner for even looking at another person, it perhaps speaks more of your low self-esteem issues than his/her wrong intentions. Looking is natural, getting the phone number and going for dates is a different thing. The trick is to know the difference and draw boundaries for your relationship. Each relationship and every person is unique and there are no generalizations. Sometimes not voicing your mistrust works better than constantly telling another how you don’t trust them.

Then there is the bit about projecting our reactions on to other people. Say for instance, you flirt with that new person at office and your partner does not know about it. Next time when you find out that your partner is friends with someone at work, chances are you will start doubting if s/he is flirting too simply because you do it. Sometimes checking within your heart will help you deal with mistrust more effectively than any therapy.

At the end of the day, trust leads to a relationship wherein you are happy, at ease with yourself and the other person, playing on each others strengths and more than anything else, have peace of mind. But it needs to be worked at. Constantly.