Talk Pleasure

So long as you don't specify what you want, it's your fault. If you think it is not ladylike to talk about sex, you're wrong!

Sex isn't taboo. In fact, it is a basic need. So, it is perfectly fine to discuss any problems that you have with your partner.

However, it all depends on how you broach the subject. If you are unsatisfied in bed, don't accuse him.

Eminent sexologist Dr. Rajan Bhonsle says that using the "I" tone is much better than using the "You" tone. Confused? Here is an example…

What not to say:

"You don't understand what position I like!"

What to say:

"I am uncomfortable in this position. Can we try something else?"

The first is the classic case of the You-tone. According to Dr. Bhonsle, the you-tone makes the sentence accusatory.

And, obviously, telling him that he doesn't satisfy you is not going to help your sex life in any way.

Rules of Communication

Dr. Bhonsle suggests four simple rules of communication. Remember, these rules should be practised mutually, by you and your partner.

The four Cs of communication are;

• Clear

Be clear. There are no two ways about it. He cannot guess what you want. You already share the most intimate relationship. So, communicating what you want should be a piece of cake.

• Complete

You cannot tell him that you like being stroked and end up being stroked in a place you don't like. Be specific about what you like.

• Compassionate

If you have been watching porn and fantasising about the guys there, remember, it is fiction! Avoid unrealistic expectations; he is no sex god, after all. A little understanding on your part will go a long way in helping him satify you during sex.

• Continuous

Remember, you may have told him 10 years back that you like foreplay in a certain way. Now, you don't like it that way anymore. You have to constantly tell him about any changed preferences.