Don't Slip

Sunita Malhotra, 26-year-old got married to Rohan two years back. She quit her job as a process analyst, as she believed that she wanted to take care of her home.

Since marriage, Sunita has put on weight, doesn't exercise or take care of herself. She says that  she doesn't seem to find the time for herself.

Sunita and Rohan live alone and are happily married.

I'm sure a lot of women identify with this. Often, women take care of themselves before they get married. However, after marriage, you tend to get caught up in the rigmarole of work and responsibilities and often lose interest in taking care of your health and beauty.

You need to look good for yourself first, and feel healthy about your body. It's not about compromising on responsibilities; it's about considering this as one of your responsibilities.

Remember, if you feel good about yourselves, then only others will feel the same about you.

Tell It All?

Minal had a love marriage and moved into a joint family. In the initial few months, she would run into arguments with her mother-in-law, over lack of cleanliness in the kitchen or the constant nagging.

When Mina's husband, Rakesh came home, she would tell him each and every detail of the fight and he would listen patiently and try to firefight.

However, when this continued for a few days, he got into a rage and told Minal that her nonstop complaining upsets him and he would prefer if she were choosy about what she said.

Often, as a woman, when you have an argument with either your spouse or in-laws, you want to get it out of your system, talk to somebody who helps you feel better about yourself.

In some cases, where the husband understands, women choose their husbands, often forgetting that he may have had a difficult day at work.

There's no harm in talking to your spouse and discussing it. However, be sensitive to his mood.
 
The important message is to edit the information. That means, you choose and say what's relevant. That doesn't mean being secretive or hiding things; just say what helps you make the point.

You need to understand that your husband might feel caught up between you and your mother-in-law. Most often, it's a sticky situation for them.

The Green-eyed Monster

Rimi and Shekhar are both working professionals, well settled, with a flat of their own and a beautiful 10-year-old son Sanjay. The couple is quite well to do and have a high standard of living.

Rimi has friends who brag about their foreign trips and diamonds, which makes her feel jealous. Everything in her life is a matter of "What can I show off to my friends"?

There has been increasing pressure on her husband as now, her only conversation is about what her friend's husbands are doing for their family.

Shekhar has started feeling devalued and incompetent as he feels he's constantly being compared. Shekhar's work productivity has been affected and he feels that his wife can never be happy as she always has someone to compare to.

Jealousy, the green-eyed monster as they call it can ruin and insidiously damage marriages, before the couple realises it. It's very common for women to discuss clothes, jewellery or even vacations that they intend to make. However, you cannot spend one's life always based on other's standards.

As one of my clients said, "It's okay to talk about one's lifestyle, but when my friend started bragging about it, I felt I couldn't relate to her. Each of us works with our own budget and it's not a race where I need to get ahead."

As they say, count your blessings in a relationship, rather than driving your husband crazy to buy a new snazzy car. Remember, a relationship is not just about lifestyle, it's about the lovely equation that the spouses share.