"I Like Your Ex"

Copywriter Ashley D'cruz was interested in dating her best friend's ex boyfriend. "I really liked Vikas but I also thought of my best friend. So I garnered all the courage I had and told Beryl about my feelings."

Beryl told Ashley that she could date Vikas if she wanted but their friendship would change forever. "I was given a choice between my friendship that had lasted for 15 years and a guy I knew for two years. I chose my friendship," Ashley maintained.

Weigh Your Feelings…And Hers Too

You need to know how deep your feelings are for your friend's ex. If it is just a short-term relationship that you are looking for, then is it worth risking a friendship irrespective of how old or new it is?

Dr. Jyoti Maheshwari, psychiatrist says, "You should only consider starting a romance if you believe that the relationship has serious potential."

If the feelings are strong and you believe that there is a future in the relationship, then she advises that you communicate the truth to your friend. Dr. Maheshwari counsels, "Give her time to digest the news and then help her understanding. Besides talking to her, it is important that you listen to what she is saying to understand her feelings."

She has to accept that you want a serious relationship and are not looking for just a short fling. Give her time to accept that and continue talking to her.

Heart Break or Break Easy?

Your future relationship with your friends ex depends on how she and her boyfriend separated.

If it was an amicable split then she may not have an issue with you dating him. However, if it was a difficult, messy one (irrespective of who called the relationship off), then she will be hurt when you tell her about your feelings.

Nicolette Misquitta's and her friend Trupti grew up together. Nicolette felt that they were practically sisters. But, she felt, "Something changed when Trupti dated Vishal."

Even though Trupti asked her, Nicollette found it very difficult to digest and accept what happened.

Not "Good" Friends Anymore?

Whether your friend has had an amicable separation or not; whether she gives you the go ahead and says that she understands you or not; your friendship is going to be affected.

Dr. Dayal Mirchandani, psychiatrist and part of the Behavioural Science Foundation, says, "It is only natural that your friend feels awkward and will become restrained around you. You two may not meet that often because you will now be spending time with your new boyfriend (her ex)."

Your friend may not feel comfortable around you anymore. You may also have to sacrifice the girlie heart-to-heart talks that you two once shared.

Remember

• There is an unwritten rule that you should never date your friend's ex.
• There is a difference in just dating your friend's ex and wanting a serious relationship from him.
• If you do date him, then you will not be able to share your feelings and problems about the relationship with your friend.
• You must realise the fact that your friendship may never be the same again.

Each situation will be unique and you and your friend will be the best people to know how each relationship should progress.