New York: Looking for the key to a happy, long-lasting marriage? Run an annual audit, according to author and businessman Michael French.

When French's marriage hit a bad patch a few years ago he realized that he was not alone, with many men waking up one morning to find they are no longer in love with their partner but don't know where to turn for help.

Some head straight to the divorce lawyer, others start running marathons, some drink heavily, while some just bottle it up. But French says he has come up with a way to keep marriage alive.

"You need a relationship audit each year," he told Reuters in a recent interview as he was promoting his newly released book "Why Men Fall Out of Love: What Every Woman Needs to Understand."

"Sit in a corner and self-evaluate your relationship. See if you are as happy as you were. If you catch something early enough you can deal with it before it becomes too big. The people who don't want to do this are the ones who should do it the most."

French, who runs a real estate company and online marketing firm from Santa Fe, New Mexico with his wife of 36 years, Patricia, said the idea for his book and for examining men's relationships came from a talk with a younger friend about five years ago when his marriage was not going well.

"We both agreed it was a shame that there was not a book about this for men," said French, who had previously written about 20 fiction books but no self-help books.

"Most men aren't going to go to a therapist about something like this, that would be a sign of failure." French approached hundreds of men to see if they would be willing to talk about why good relationships go bad but managed to speak to about 50. Nine agreed to share their stories for his book.

French also writes his own story."There was one common thread and that was that they had lost their voice - either their ability to be assertive or they simply didn't understand where their unhappiness came from. They just felt a great discontent and restlessness," he said.

He found the four top relationship busters were a loss of intimacy, a quest for validation, a perfection impulse where men masked low self-esteem with achievement and fading attraction. He said women seemed to forget that men need validation to reinforce their masculinity and this had to come from a boss or peers, but especially from a partner.

"Women seem to think men are somehow emotionally self-sufficient. That is just wrong," said French, who claims his expertise in this field comes from experience rather than studying.But did French's marriage survive all the introspection?"

In the end the book was great therapy for my wife and I and we made it work. I love her very much but there was a period when we were on different paths."